well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
