i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
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