i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
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