Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
Don't tell me you're on acid again
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
Randomize
