Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
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