I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
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He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
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