My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
He? As in you personified your dick?
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
