wat bout pragnant strippers??
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
