It doesn't have to be a walk of shame...just pretend he took you to breakfast.
No one shows this much boob at breakfast
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
Randomize
