and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
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Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
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I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
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