Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
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