jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
Why can't burritos get me drunk
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
Randomize
