a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
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