I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
