u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
Randomize
