No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
Randomize
