Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
Where are you???
With some dude on the way to his house to blaze
You went back to a stranger's house????
He isn't a stranger...he used to be on kids, inc.
I love LA.
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
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