did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
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i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
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his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities