Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
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