have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
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