So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
Randomize
