I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
Liz is crying about burritos again.
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
Randomize