Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
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I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
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This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
Randomize