I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
Randomize
