I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
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