what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
Randomize
