im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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