she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
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