I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
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