Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
Are these your boobs on my camera?
Randomize
