well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
Randomize
