did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
3 2 1 whiskey
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
Randomize
