she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
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