Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
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