Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
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