Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
Randomize
