woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
