do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize
