i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
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