You don't have asthma, your pregnant
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
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