dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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