An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
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