Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
