ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
Panties = found
Randomize
