Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
He uses pillows to masturbate.
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
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