You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
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