Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
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