i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
I need a burrito and a hug.
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
Randomize
