no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
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