halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
Randomize
