this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Randomize
