you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
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She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
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My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize