you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Randomize
