booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
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Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
You may now shotgun with the bride
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
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