I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
