lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
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