Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
Randomize
