I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
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