Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
Randomize
