I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
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