I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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