When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
