also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
Randomize
