I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
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