I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
Randomize
