somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
Randomize
