If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
where are my pants?
in the oven.
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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