so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
Randomize
